Brought to you by Panty Liners

This Christmas my sister gave me what I needed to redo my bathroom:

And my mother gave me what I needed for what I do in my bathroom:



Yes, she thinks she's hilarious. She also gave me really nice perfume, the painting that's hanging in my bathroom, and beautiful shoes--but I have to say the panty liners are what really made an impression.

Turns out panty liners aren't just for women's monthly extravaganza. They also serve other purposes that, thanks to my mother, I have had the opportunity to find:

• Champagne glass koozie - While a pad may be appropriate to keep your Miller Lite chilled, Champagne is just too classy for that super absorbent nonsense. That's why I use Panty Liners, not just as a necessity, but as an accessory to any champagne glass.
• Socks? Slippers? Shoes? Forget it. Why not just stick a couple of panty liners on the bottom of your feet? Not only will your feet be protected from the floor, but it will easily pick up any spills.
  
• Sleeping Mask--this way the band around your head doesn't mess with your hair or give you a headache. Just peel and stick!
• No outside drinks allowed in a movie theater? What about panty liners? Just soak that liner in your favorite soft drink, then once you're inside wring it out into a glass. Wallah!
• Is that pot too hot for you? Don't waste your time going to get a pot holder. Just adhere a panty liner to each of your pot handles and you'll always get that pot roast out of the oven right on time.
  
• How is it that I can spend all this time writing this blog, you ask? Because I have panty liners stuck to my mouse and my butt cheeks for comfort as I type this post.
  

"This Hurts!"

Even if you've already seen this, please rewatch and rewatch and rewatch this poor fat kid on a roller coaster as he thinks he's about to die. Funnier is the evil laugh of the woman next to him. As he screams "this hurts" while almost squeezing through the safety harness, he reminds me of constipation personified.

Finding Holly

When walking up to my place with two friends of mine after a night out, a girl was standing in front of my complex intently texting someone. Being the silly nerd I am, as I walked up to her I said, "Who are you texting?" I assumed my awkward joke would get a mean look in return. Instead, the girl immediately looked up at me and ever-so innocently and wide-eyed replied, "Holly," almost as if it was a question. As if she was asking me if it's okay.

Her response was so sweet and unnecessary that I have laughed every time I remember it. If I ever see you on the street, I'll reenact it for you. And if you are that girl, I think you should forget Holly and we should be friends.

Butt Shock

The bookkeeper at work just asked me, "Have you ever gotten shocked in your butt?"

I couldn't give her a straight answer because obviously she needed to be more specific.

There's A Point...

I noticed this guy while I was working out the other day. He was on the treadmill in front of me and had a huge whole under his armpit in his shirt. At first I just glanced at him and thought, "Wow, time to retire that shirt." But as I studied him, I noticed even more about him. I didn't know whether to be repulsed or to be proud of him for wearing whatever he wanted and truly not caring. He looked like George Castanza but worse with his extremely thin, tight shirt tucked into his snug workout shorts. His shirt was so thin, that I could see the quilt of hair coating his back through his black shirt.

When he finished his workout, he turned and I caught a glimpse of the front of him. It looked like Wolverine had slashed his shirt and tufts of his grey chest hair were filtering out of the slashes all over his shirt.

So after seeing this man in dire need of new workout clothes, I searched and searched online and finally found this website that he may find useful: www.walmart.com

Crunk Juice

Okay so maybe I was wrong. I guess guys aren't attracted to hi-top fades. But I didn't care cause I was too busy singing, "YOU..YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEEEEEEED...AND YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND..."

Like my grandmother used to always say, "Thank the Lord for Crunk Juice whatever the &@!% that is."

Girls' Weekend!

Although it's only Thursday, Girl's Weekend Part II 2008 starts tonight! Our girls weekends are when a group of us, single and married, get together and laugh so hard at least two of us pee in our pants. It's where the married girls flirt with the single guys, and when the guy thinks he has a chance she says, "Uuuh whatever! I'm married." It's where the married girls come out expecting a show. It's where the single girls try their hardest to produce that show. Because if their married friends can't make out with strangers, dagnabbit, single girls are going to do it for them! It's where broken-hearted girls are taken out on the town by their girlfriends, and reminded of how fun they truly are and how happy they can truly be.

Our first night will be at Alamo Ritz's 90s Hip Hop sing-a-long. I plan on wearing a jogging suit with my hair styled into a hi-top fade. Oh how the boys will follow.

Just when you thought you were alone...

Did you know that Vultures pee on themselves? Their urine keeps their body clean by destroying harmful pathogens that get on them as they rummage through rotting meat.

They also vomit at you as a defense mechanism. When threatened, they'll spew rancid vomit that's smell alone could make you faint. And some vultures' vomit is so acidic that it can burn you.

See, this is the very reason why I refuse to date vultures.

Even Sharon

I was offering a friend advice who said he was feeling stressed. All he has to do is type five words in a chat session and then he gets a novel back. Anyway, as I was offering advice--a.k.a. I was babbling on and on as if the words were in my head and not in a chat session--I realized something about myself: that I am too positive for my own good.

My problem isn't that I'm depressed because things aren't happening. My problem is that I'm happy even if things aren't going my way. I'm generally content. But I need to be mad. I need to get angry and fight for what I want--instead of trusting that it will happen. And even as I typed that sentence, in my head I said, "But it will."I think there's no hope for me.

The ones that succeed aren't the content. It's those that had to overcome struggles to get where they are. They had to fight to prove themselves.

Maybe this is a confidence problem. As in I'm too confident that things are going to work out for me. Actually I do find that I have a sort of Seinfeld thing going on with me where everything seems to balance out. I lose two friends, I gain four. I forget to bring my lunch to work, and a client brings lunch to the office. I lose a hundred dollars, I find a hundred dollars on the floor of a bar downtown. (Okay the last one really happened. I was short on cash and found a hundred dollars on the ground when my earring randomly dropped to my feet. I initially thought the money fell out of my wallet--since I had a hundred dollars in my wallet that night. And then when I went to put the money in my wallet, CHA-CHING!--It was already there. It did occur to me to attempt to find its owner, but I knew that the first person I asked would claim it. )

Light Bulb!

I took this photo the Saturday morning after Halloween as I waited for everyone to wake up after crashing the night before.

The low aperture (fuzzy background) helps to hide the broken bulbs on the light strand that were broken the night before courtesy of someone dressed as "Two-Face." When the light strand fell to the floor, the broken glass made a home on my shins, maybe in my drink, and all over the guy dressed in Goth to my right.

Later Goth Guy was puking all over our host's dishes in her sink. I like to think these two events are related somehow.

Tall Man Costume Idea

I have no idea if this has been done before, or that I may not do it myself in the future. BUT I was discussing costume ideas with a friend of mine who is 6'5'', and I had an idea that I thought would be cute for him. I'm posting it here, because after talking to him I gathered that he was a little bah-humbug about Halloween this year and probably wasn't going to put much effort into a costume at all, let alone one so cute.

I don't think it's Halloween in general that he scrooges (making that a verb), I think it has more to do with the annoying girl that was invited to the party his brother was hosting. You know the one; all she needs to dress up as an M&M is green underwear and chocolate syrup poured over her as she dances on her female dance partner making not-so-subtle glances around the room to make sure that all the guys are watching her.

This costume is nothing like that. I thought that my 6'5'' friend should be (drumroll) The Beanstalk! He can dress all in green, wrap some garland around his body, and then have a tiny Jack climbing his arm. He could even wear a hat made of fluff that is just one big cloud around his head.

With all that buildup, I'm feeling like that idea is not so great. No matter. That's not my costume anyway. For Halloween, I'm going to be this guy:

Doritos

Walking through the hallway outside our office, I smelled either Doritos or dog's feet. Did you know that those smells are interchangeable?

My Spoon's Too Big

Stephen Hawking? da Vinci? Einstein? No. To me, true genius is the film below by Don Hertzfeldt. No need to take notes.

Caption me!

"Tired of trying to cross the highway with the rest of his Frogger pals, Hampton is taking matters into his own hands."

Grape Jelly

How much does my dad love grape jelly on his toast?? ...This much!

These bags of water are supposed to repel flies, but I guess this really is the best place to be if you're a fly and you need some alone time.

What's that smell?

On News Of the Weird today, they mentioned a woman that probably died in the early 70s, yet her mummified body was JUST found THIS YEAR.

It's one thing to die alone--very sad. But to rot alone for 30 years? The poor woman didn't even have a funeral!

This year I will combine my birthday to be a celebration of my birth, and it will also be her belated funeral. It will be a FUN-eral. Don't be late.

Achoo!

This is why I don't eat panda meat.

A Banana in My Box

As if there isn't enough temptation in my life already with all the alcohol and the food and then there's the alcohol I was talking about, some good-intentioned stranger drops off a box of sugar and thunder thighs for the taking at work. I tried to not even look at the pastries once I heard about the little fat-demons waiting for me in the break room. However, every five minutes someone new comes to my desk and says, "Did you see the pastries in the break room? Yum! So many different choices! SO MANY CHOICES!!!"

At first I was like, "REALLY?" equally ready to wheelbarrow all that I could to my desk. But then I thought about the little banana at my desk. What a condescending little jerk. It's saying, "Shouldn't you stay away from those guys, Sharon? I'm so much better for you. But if you want to be a fat ass, then be a fat ass. It's up to you.
***whistles and shuffles its feet***"

I figured instead of stuffing my face, I may as well be healthy and have the chance to bite the head off of my banana with its rude, imaginary dialogue.

So I did it. I ate the banana and not one piece of pastry.

Banana - 1 Pastry - 0

To make myself feel as if I was cheating, I set my banana in the pastry box before eating it as if I had just grabbed a pastry instead. This kind of eating psychology may seem ridiculous and unnecessary, but you don't live in the same world as I do. My world is full of talking bananas, tap-dancing corn dogs and singing M&Ms.

Truly Outrageous

I was alone sitting in the dark thinking fondly about myself today as I often do, and I wondered what song really describes me, my personality--what I'm all about. Then the perfect song came to mind, and I'd like to share it with you all now.

TAKE IT JEM!

Why Mr. Rogers Actually Was an Awesome Neighbor

Mr. Rogers wasn't just blowing smoke when he was putting on his sweater, talking to puppet people and educating children. He was sincerely passionate about child development throughout his life. In 1969 Mr. Rogers appeared before the United States Senate Subcommittee on Communications hoping to receive 20 million dollars in funding for Public Broadcasting in response to significant proposed cuts. In the video of his speech below, Rogers is addressing John O. Pastore who wasn't familiar with who Mr. Rogers was and was known as an impatient and harsh man. I can watch this speech over and over again, because it gives me goosebumps.

Color Me Impressed

Is that Rachael Ray in the hot pink button-up?

This Is How I Make the Days Fly By

Email from one coworker sent out to all employees at my office:

Subject: Monday

Body: I have an appointment at 8am with a new doctor, an MD/orthopedic doc to be exact, on monday. I don't know for sure how long it will last and neither did they, just depends on if they want me to do some kind of tests. Hopefully I'll be in by 9 or 9:30.

Email from second worker to entire office immediately after.

Subject: Tuesday

Body: Oh that reminds me I have a dermatologist appointment at 9:15 am on Tues. I will come in early and leave from here.

Email from me to entire office immediately after:

Subject: Wednesday

Body: Oh yeah, that reminds me, too. I have a massage appointment Wednesday morning. But I won’t have to be late because they said they can do the full body massage right here at my desk. They may have a tough time squeezing the massage table behind my desk, but I figure this way I can still answer phones and such.

Oh yeah, and Matt, NO PEEKING!

Drum roll please: THE BEST WEBSITE EVER!!!

My life as I know it has changed from this moment forward. I have discovered (thanks Carrie!) the BEST--WEBSITE--EVER! Allow me to introduce you to what will soon become nails on a chalkboard to all my friends and coworkers.

I'll set it up with a joke:

"Did you hear the one about the suicidal dyslexic who threw himself behind an onrushing train?"

http://www.instantrimshot.com/

"hyuck, hyuck---try the veal"

Did you click it? Did you push the red button? Did you? Did you???

At first I thought about all the places I can leave this link after making a cheesy joke (a.k.a. all of my jokes)--facebook, myspace, any comments, you know the usual. Then I realized that I was truly limiting all that instantrimshot.com has to offer! That is why, I have muted the music I was softly playing at my desk at work. Instead, I have now raised the volume on my computer to its loudest setting. I have instantrimshot.com minimized, and the moment that I (or someone else) makes a rimshot worthy joke, I'm pressing that red button. Oh, the laughter/eye-rolling that is so surely to come! I can't wait! I'll let you know as soon as it happens.

I HAVE BENDER BALLS!!!

"I love my abdominals. I love my belly. I love my abdominals."

Have you heard of the Bender Ball? They ordered a bunch of kick balls in blue and are selling them as a piece of exercise equipment. Although you could just as easily put a rolled up towel--or a kick ball behind your back, the woman pictured above raves about this high-tech piece of workout equipment, and it's amazing effect on her abdominals. Not her abs, not her stomach--her abdominals. I honestly have never seen the end of this commercial because I can't stand the way she says "abdominals?" and I MUST CHANGE THE CHANNEL IMMEDIATELY! The question mark after "abdominals?" was intentional, because she says "abdominals?" like it's a question. I don't know if this is more my issue or hers. Maybe you can tell me after watching the commercial below. ;)

Raily Rhoto

I believe where my face once was, all Rope could see was a giant Scooby Snack.

April 2: The Birthday of Champions

Today one of my very best friends Mike turns 28. He's one of the most clever and hilarious people I know. We met in college when living in the same dorm and I remember the day I realized how randomly hilarious he is. When walking through the hall in the dorm I noticed some Garfield comic strips he had posted on the bulletin board. I had to read it over like three times, because Garfield isn't rocket science and I just wasn't getting the joke. Three hours standing in front of the bulletin boards later, I realized that Mike had cut and pasted several comic strips together that were completely unrelated to each other. It went something like this:

Garfield: Where's Odie?

John: Did you eat my lasagna??

Odie: I wish I could talk like Garfield.

Okay so I have no idea what it said, that was like ten years ago, people. Anyways, the point is that I appreciated the random humor and from that point on I thought, 'This kid's alright....this kid's alright." Or maybe I just thought, "ha, that's funny." Either way it was positive and we became the bestest of buds. He cracks me up, never judges me, always helps me through bad times even if he's just there and doesn't even realize I'm having a bad time, and ten years later he's still like a brother to me. So Mike, if you're watching me from up there (horrible joke, he's alive in San Antonio) just know that I love you and I wish you the happiest of cumpleaños.

Love,
Chara

Daily Phizzle

The happiest moment in the life of Jon, the happiest man on Earth.

Dalyfotosaurus

Yes, yes I know--I can't call it a Daily Photo if I don't post it daily. Can it be that I've actually been too busy? Amazing. One of our clients has taken over our office, SXSW has taken over my town, and you all, Dear Readers, have taken over my heart. "Awwwwwwwwww."

This is for you:

In Yo' FACE!

My friend and I were cracking up at how she noticed Kobe Bryant accidentally throwing a towel on this woman's face yesterday. And, of course, it has been posted on YouTube. I love you, World Wide Web.

Day-lee Fo-toe

This is Ernie. He's our newest tenant at my parents' house. If I could reach him, I would hug him and squeeze him and kiss him before he pecked my eyes out. I think this is why one of my friends referred to me as Elmira from Tiny Toons. Can I help it if I have too much love to give? Can I?

Weird News Is So Weird!

I found this newsclip on News of the Weird.

"In January, Taser International introduced the Taser MPH, a combination dart-firing weapon and MP3 music player (that holds 150 songs). [Los Angeles Times, 1-7-08]"

It really beats my combination machete/ back-scratcher....which is really just an old machete. My back may be all sliced up, but it certainly doesn't itch.

Redundancy Makes Me Stupid

At work I wear many hats. And, frankly, I look great in all of them. I'm Account Coordinator; I'm copywriter; I'm editor; I'm photographer; I'm Google Adwords Specialist; and I also yell out "FATTY!" every time someone reaches for the M&M's that sit on my desk. (I don't get paid for the last one, but I refuse to slack on any of my duties--no matter if I made those duties up.)

I used to have my own office with a big window. The window was actually in my boss' office. I could see it from where I sat, and I just pretended that it was mine but just in the other room. I make sure she never looks in it by clapping loudly, stomping my feet, or banging my desk whenever I see her gaze go that way.

Our office has grown and I no longer have my fancy office with the big window in my boss' office. After hiring new people and more new people that love offices as much as me--I'm now sitting in the front lobby of the office. If this was a completely different office, it would be the exact place where the receptionist sat. But it's not a completely different office, it's our office. So it's where I sit. I actually like my new desk. I have a beautiful window--in the office across the hall, and a desk much larger than everyone else's. And I'm the first person people see when you walk in. I find that this gives our visitors an excellent or a very poor first impression of our company. It really depends on what time I woke up that morning. Today it was a GREAT first impression. Well...almost.

You see, another one of my duties as I sit in this large reception desk is to answer the phone. (Yes I sound increasingly more like solely a receptionist.) I say the exact same thing every time I answer the phone. It goes like this:

RING RING!!
***answers phone and checks time to determine greeting***

ME: Good morning/afternoon, *NAME OF OUR COMPANY*, This is Sharon.

CALLER: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

ME: Okay, may I tell her who is
calling?

CALLER: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

ME: One moment

***transfers call***

.
Well, you see, I do this twenty times a day. I say it without thinking. In fact, I even had to say the above dialog outloud to even know what it is that comes out of my mouth when I answer the phone. Luckily it sounds appropriate. This would have taken a very different turn if I realized I say, "Wazzup, Monkey Beans! Do you love potatoes??"

You can understand that after saying it so often that it has become an automatic response. This is why I'm sure you can also understand this:

A gentleman just walked into the office. He said, "Hi, GORGEOUS!" (I added the "GORGEOUS," but roll with it.) "I have a meeting with Sandy."

Being the excellent pseudo receptionist that I am, I wanted to give Sandy a name when I announced him. So I flashed a big smile, tilted my head to the side to seem sincere, looked him in the eye and asked the man, "Okay, great. May I tell her who's calling?"

Redundancy makes me stupid.

Charlie Bit Me! ehehe

You may have seen this video before, but I can't help it; it's so cute! There are two versions: the original and then the "remix."

Happy VD, Everyone!

A conversation with a coworker with a deathwish:

CW: Do you have plans for Valentine's Day?
Sharon: Yes I do.
CW: What are they?
Sharon: I'm going out to dinner with a group of single girls, and then we're going out.
CW: Oh okay, cause I was wondering if you will come to my apartment and spread rose petals on the bed for when my fiancee and I get back from dinner.
Sharon: ...
Sharon: ...
Sharon: ...
Sharon: I told you I have plans.
CW: Yeah, but since you're not in a relationship I thought that you could--
Sharon: --I get that I'm single, but my singlehood doesn't care about your little relationship. I have plans and you, my friend, have a lot of nerve.

END SCENE

Speaking of my plans--Austin, look out tonight. Myself and about 12 single ladies are hitting the town tonight and we're looking for you!

Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone! Whether you're in a relationship or single! ;)

Making Whine

This is on Live TV. Besides her horrible reaction, especially "Ugghhhh Ugggghhh I can't breathe!"--my favorite part is the news anchors' awkward reactions afterwards. How are they not cracking up?? They must have laughed for days afterwards.


The only thing that would make it better is if I was there to laugh at her in person.

French Kiss Fries

I was waiting to get on the elevator with two gentleman that knew each other, but were strangers to me. When the elevator doors opened, being "gentleman" they let me get on first (I love that! ***golf clap***). As I walked on, the smell of fast food hit me right in the face. Obviously someone who was just on the elevator was bringing their lunch to their office.

As the men followed me into the elevator, one of them leaned over to me and asked, "Mmmm, is that french fries you're wearing?"

Classic. I really appreciate a well-timed quip.

(We had a chuckle and the joke progressed into my claiming I rub french fries all over my body to entice men--it's actually not that bad of an idea.)

Bathroom Humor

Sharon: So I went to the bathroom last week as I often do
Sharon: the public bathroom at work
Mike: ...
Sharon: and there was a girl already in a stall and she was being quiet so I figured she was probably throwing deuces...
Sharon: I figured I'd be quick and outta there to give her her nasty privacy....
Mike: col
Mike: what a raunchy ho
Sharon: Well before I could unbutton my pants and remove my sexy panties, I heard "ffffttttttttt"
Sharon: "FFFFFTTTT"
Mike: col
Sharon: "POOOOOO"
Sharon: "FTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"
Mike: lol
Sharon: I mean, could she have not waited TWO MINUTES???
Mike: gee whiz
Mike: do you know who it was
Sharon: Talk about being comfortable.
Sharon: I mean I know i bring that out in people, but not that much!
Mike: well i guess when you gotta do it, you just can't wait
Sharon: Well, I quickly peed and washed my hands and left the bathroom...
Sharon: but to her dismay, I can see who comes out of the bathroom from my desk.
Sharon: So I patiently waited...
Sharon: ...identified the dropper
Mike: .......
Sharon: And now, days later, I just saw her come out of the bathroom and I'll never forget the sound of air coming out of her ass.
Sharon: THE END
Mike: yeah i don't even want to think about that nasty old hag anymore
Mike: gross
Sharon: GRODY!
Mike: time for dump and shower!
Mike: see if i can outshine that girl you work with
Sharon: ha
Sharon: Good luck!

Same Blog, New attitude

Actually, the same attitude, new name. Originally called "Bakspace," this blog back in the day used to be a collection of pictures I would take of coworkers from the back office from an old job. BaCkspace was taken, so I spelled it Bakspace, but told people it was misspelled because "which key do you use to fix an error?...Exactly!"

I've realized more and more how little sense "Bakspace" made, so I decided to change the name to something that made even less sense. ...That and I've been trying to find a nice way to tell you that you have something on your face.

Sharon is online!

So I keep adding/taking away little features to this ever-changing, world-encompassing, modesty-ignoring little blog I have. As of one minute ago, I added the little feature you may notice to my right (hint: it's also your right).

A chat window! ***angels sing/chat window glows***

This may be a really annoying or a really fun feature. That's for us to decide. So for any reason, if I'm online send me a message. However, I can be bad about leaving my account logged in when I'm not there, so I will try my darndest to at least leave an away message.

I look forward to hearing from you!

-Sharon

P.S. And for kicks, here's a picture of the precious little owl that lives behind my parents' house. I named him Oliver because of the alliteration and because he loves olives in his martinis.

What do you notice?

Allow me to introduce you to a member of my family. Below is a picture of my sister's dog Rope. He was named after a Longhorn bull my grandfather had when we were little. He's never met a piece of food he didn't want to eat or a person he didn't want to meet. He's extremely loveable, that is, unless you're our other dog Bailey. Then he wants to kill you.

But do you see below what a great, well-trained dog he is?

The best part is the trail that follows him. It's as if he doesn't realize that he's peeing. But in his defense, my dad had just given Rope half a beer without my sister knowing. Can you blame a guy for "breaking the seal?"

Sigh...Oh, Rope, you're such a quiet drunk.

I love my new camera.

Dear Sharon...

In response to Beaman's question...

"My very dear friend, Nigel, has troubles finding the right partner. He dislikes
nightclubs and loud places and indeed crowded places of any sort so he is rarely
in a position to meet new personalities. He is a very short chap and rather
overweight which gives him an inferiority complex I think.
What would you
suggest to boost his chances of finding that someone special? "

Hmmmm...I'd say he should get involved in something that interests him where he'd be able to meet new people. For instance, take a class, join an organization, or whatever he could become involved in. There's no reason to be uncomfortable with someone new if you are both in the same situation, pursuing the same goals. And it should preferably be something he thinks he'll excel in--this way, if he isn't generally confident in his physical appearance, he may show confidence in other areas.

I mean, really, I myself have been extremely attracted to a man, and later wondered if he had walked up to me at a club without my knowing his personality would I have talked to him? Not because he's unattractive, but simply because I'm unfamiliar with the person. The best parts of people are not hung on the outside of them. We should wear shirts that express our personalities, don't you think?

"Great sense of humor."

"Honest."

"Great Listener."

"Liar."

"I'll cheat on you."

That would be great! It would save some time. (This is becoming so long I should post it as a blog...(posts blog)...)

Actually, I don't know if you're familiar with the Sims video game. But I always thought that it would be wonderful if every person had a symbol floating above their heads that shows whether or not they're attracted to you--or at least whether or not you'd be a good match.Imagine sitting at a coffee shop by yourself with a trapezoid symbol floating above your head. In walks a stranger of the opposite sex, and he or she has the same shape floating above his or her head! You could just wave at her, she would notice your symbol, grab her coffee and come sit with you. It would eliminate so many games!

Do I live in a fantasy world, or what?

Picture pages, Picture pages...

Time to get your Picture Pages,
Time to get your crayons and your pencils..."


I just bought a Canon 40D DSLR and I'm giddy! It's my first dslr and I can't wait to use it! When I say I just bought it, I mean I just bought it. My coworker went with me on my lunch break (I'm at work right now), and he was laughing at my excitement as we drove there. It's now waiting everso patiently next to me in its little box as the battery charges. I've wanted one for years, and I finally made the decision to buy it. So get ready for my pictures to be threaded throughout this blog--I mean pictures besides the pictures of my mug scattered on the background. ;)

Most of the photography I do now is product photography through work (I work at an ad agency). And prior to that it's always been a huge interest of mine.

Well, anyways, I'm thrilled. THRILLED!


"You can play with Picture Pages,
FIll your day with Picture Pages,
'Till Bill Cosby does another Picture Page with you!"

Dearest Humans of the Masculine Persuasion,

It is quite clear that when many "men" go out to a club they have one mission on their minds: to get some. I can appreciate your ambition, and I can also appreciate the risk you take when putting yourself and your dignity on the line as you approach various women with your less than romantic intentions. I can openly say that I'm so glad that it's typically you and not me that has to put himself out there like that and risk rejection. That being said, allow me to offer some advice.

Last night I was celebrating a friend's birthday by bar hopping with a group of friends. During one point in the night I was walking through the crowd looking for a friend. When I found her she was walking towards me with a man in tow. With a look and a whisper, she quickly begged for me to come with them. Apparently this poor guy asked her to dance, and instead of declining she agreed, but looked to me to help her get out of it. Being the nice gal that I am, I followed them to the dance floor and began busting whatever moves I felt needed busting. Before even getting a chance to "walk it out," First Guy's friend came from nowhere and began dancing with me. His grip was so tight and he held me so close that I couldn't pull away from him. Not only that but his entire body was pressed up against mine, and I do mean his entire body--got me? ***gags*** Leading a girl as you dance is one thing, but suffocating her is another.

I had to think quickly so I reached my arm around to my cell phone that I had slipped in my back pocket. I pushed a button as it was in my pocket so that when I pulled it out the keypad would be lit. I pulled it up to my face and began reading a text. He had pulled me so close to him that I had to hold the phone behind his head so that I could see it. I had actually already read the text about an hour before. I managed to pull myself away from my dance partner, so that I could show my friend. I said, "Look! "C" just texted me. She wants us to meet her!"

And not skipping a beat, my friend began reading the text I had already shown her an hour before and she pretended it was a new one. We apologized to the guys and thanked them for the dance and got the hell out of there.

My advice here is to not be so aggressive! It didn't matter what that guy looked like or how smooth he thought he was, he ruined it the second he grabbed me, pushed himself on me and wouldn't let me go--which was actually the very first second we met.

When meeting a girl at a club:

1) Be yourself.

2) Be confident.

3) Give her space.

4) Think of it as just having a conversation with a possible new friend. If you put any more pressure on the first conversation, you'll blow it. You'll be too agressive, which will turn her off--or you'll be too nervous.

5) If a girl pulls out her cell phone from her back pocket and claims she received a text that says she must immediately meet her friend somewhere at that very second, you did something wrong.


Thank you!