Strech Marks

One of my best friends is pregnant, and it's the first child that will live in town from our group of friends. We're all very excited. It's the first time of my life when I'm actually excited to look through the baby aisle, to help her find maternity clothes or to show her any great deal I find on the latest mommy product. This is why when I saw the ad below on how to cure stretch marks, I knew that I just had to show her.






This is advertising at its best. I mean, not only do they know exactly how to appeal to a woman by using two shades of the color pink, but they realize that women have very busy lives. We just don't have time for silly things like punctuation We cant pause in the middle of helping the kids husbands working shopping or doing our nails to worry about something as insignificant as a dot on a page

Also I knew this product was perfect for my friend because they have the utmost confidence in their product They are so cool and confident that they dont have to mess with unnecessary extra letters like the second t in strech I mean you have the CH sound in there already by using a c and an h If you add a t its like okay we get it Stop bombarding me with syllables and grammar and sounds Im a woman I need to go take care of some things Stop touching me

I realy apreciate that they are inteligent enugh not to complicat our lives with unecesary things

They are like we hav a great product You shud by it Period

Exept without the period

Haircut

Sharon: Where are you getting your haircut?

Ryan: Sharper Image.

Sharon: Visible Changes?

Ryan: Yeah that's it.

Awareness Test

I was doing some research on guerilla marketing and came across this commercial that I thought was really cool.

Check it out and see how "aware" you are:

How Embarrassing!

When this dog goes on his first date, this is the first thing his mom is going to pull out to show his girlfriend.

My Bum: Exposed

The other day I thought I'd be extra cute and wear a dress to work--instead of the sexy jeans-and-what-I-find-on-my-floor-first couture I normally wear. It's a black button up dress similar to this, but the skirt bells out:



That day was actually quite windy. When I got out of my car that morning, a huge gust of wind reminded me why I should probably start checking the weather. As I took my first step towards the entrance to my building, my skirt blew up and exposed my goods. I quickly jumped back into my car and was thankful that no one saw! Well--almost no one saw. There was one guy that was walking to his car and surely saw the show.

As embarrassed as I was, I knew that it would get much worse if I didn't wait for this guy to leave before attempting it again. So I waited for him to leave, but this jerk didn't budge. I couldn't see him from where I was parked, but I knew that once I attempted to walk to work, I would be the black cat in his path--the black cat whose ass is exposed. After waiting long enough and realizing this guy wasn't leaving, I cursed him and pictured him holding binoculars and popcorn waiting for me to make the walk again.

I made a second attempt to get out of my car. This time the wind was stronger than ever. I looked up at the man's car and saw that he was everso innocently reading a book in his car. What a ruse. As if I don't realize what he's really up to. Again, the wind blew my skirt up, as I looked down at my car door to take cover I noticed that the top two buttons of my dress were wide open, exposing all of my cleavage. I mean, it's a wonder why I even put that dress on at all. I climbed back into my car, buttoned up, and for the first time wished I had a Snuggie available to cover myself as I walk sideways towards the door.

I knew that there was no way I could have made the walk to the elevator without flashing him (again) unless I was bent over with both arms wrapped around my thighs and took small scissor steps the fifty feet or so to the doors. Another option would have been to logroll the distance to the doors, but nixed the idea thinking that he may see me laying down and think I'm flirting.

Finally, I decided that I had no choice to continue. I can't let this fake-reading peeping-tom keep me from my job! I got out of the car, made another boob check, and then hunched over with my skirt gathered to the side and did a quick tiny-step walk that was reminiscent of Velma's dance break moves in Scooby Doo Kids.

When I entered the building I felt victorious. I made it to work, fully dressed and fully covered.

EPILOGUE:

That is, until later in the day when I plopped into my chair to answer a phone call. Towards the end of the call, I felt a draft. I looked behind me and saw no fan, but what I did see was the back of my skirt tucked all the way up to my mid back. My lower back, thighs, underwear and butt were all exposed for all to see.

MORAL:

You can't always blame it on the wind.

Baila Conmigo

While eating breakfast yesterday at El Sol y La Luna's new Red River location in downtown Austin, a boy around eight years old walked up to our table, held his hand out to my friend and said, "Baila conmigo." At first she didn't understand him and thought he wanted some of her taco, but he repeated, "Baila conmigo" and grabbed her hand. (For those non Spanish speakers, he was saying "dance with me" in Spanish.)

His mother came to our table soon after--very surprised by her son's actions, and very apologetic to us. But there was no need to apologize. This little charmer made our breakfast--if not our day. His mother explained that her son is learning how to dance, and during their breakfast she was explaining how to properly ask a woman to dance. He immediately stood up and walked over to our table to the shock of his family.

Once my friend realized what he was asking her, she put down her taco and allowed him to lead her to what I assume is a dance floor in the restaurant's evening hours. Keep in mind there was no music playing. The boy took care of that issue by humming as he led their dance.

Thankfully, I had my camera. Below is a picture of the future heartbreaker dipping my friend (video to come):