You Must Have Had A Great Night If...

1) You wake up with half a bratwurst on your bed.

2) You have an almost empty glass of water by your bed that you don't remember getting.

3) Your driver's license falls off your boob as you're about to get into the shower.

4) You find multiple texts to your ex on your cell phone the next day.

And in my case this morning...

5) You realize at about noon that you've been walking around the office with your zipper down all morning...and you don't really care.

He's Gotta Learn Somehow

This boy just came from the dentist and, with the help of anesthetics, is doing a great impression of what he's going to look like to women, with the help of jager, in about 15 years.

He Chose Dare.

My friends and I were at Opal Divine's for my friend Seth's birthday last weekend. It took one person to suggest that we play Truth or Dare for us to go from classy to trashy in seconds.

My friend Marcus was dared to eat one of Kristin's infamous bites where she combines everything from the table to make one big, nasty bite. My camera work was pretty good considering I was dry heaving during the whole thing.

Sorry ladies, this guy's taken!

What Smells?

Although it was dreary and overcast this weekend, I still took a few photos to test out my new wide angle lens.

The picture below was taken at this ditch we randomly found in East Austin. How much does Ryan love sewage? This much:

I <3 Canon

My new lens and flash have arrived today and I am itchin' to take some new photos!

I've been bugging my UPS guy about it since Monday--so much in fact that after he brought it to me, he punched me in the face. But I didn't care. All I cared about was my new Canon EFS 10-22 mm Super wide angle lens and my new 430EX II flash.

Tonight I'm going to go test them out with two friends and I'll be sure to post some of our fun here. To give you an idea of the difference between my standard 28-135mm lens and my new Super wide angle lens, here are two pictures of my coworker Matt demonstrating the difference.

Standard Lens:

Super Wide Angle lens:

In each photo I was standing in the same spot. You can see how exciting all this is by the look on my other coworkers' faces who apparently have fallen asleep.

Photography

I don't know what kind of berries these are--just that they were in my parents' backyard and they tasted like poison.

*Click here to purchase a print of this photo!

Why I Don't Enter Pageants

Ward (3:20:16 PM): are you working today?
Sharon (3:20:22 PM): Yes
Ward (3:22:13 PM): we both suck then
Sharon (3:22:20 PM): big time
Sharon (3:22:32 PM): My flats I'm wearing have zippers on them
Sharon (3:22:38 PM): like only one side of a zipper
Sharon (3:22:52 PM): anyway I just accidentally scraped it across the leg of my chair and it sounded like a really loud fart
Sharon (3:23:40 PM): No one heard it though. I covered the noise by actually farting much louder than the fake fart.
Ward (3:23:46 PM): haha
Ward (3:23:48 PM): awesome!
Sharon (3:24:12 PM): I'm a lady.

Best Date Advice Ever

A friend of mine is taking a girl out on a first date, and I offered him ten suggestions that he could throw out whenever he felt an awkward moment approaching.

I'm probably the bestest friend ever.

1) Wow, if I knew you were going to wear that, I wouldn't have dressed up!

2) On a scale of 1 to 10 how attracted are you to me at this moment? (Good time to grab her inappropriately).

3) Didn't you think our waitress was hot?

4) Please don't be offended if I jump up and take a phone call. My ex should be calling me any minute.

5) Are you going to eat that? Well, you probably shouldn't. (Then eye her midsection)

6) Did you bring your wallet? Cause I didn't.

7) My last girlfriend didn't really break up with me per se. It's really the restraining order that keeps us apart.

8) Should we order dessert? (Then eye her midsection again)

9) Will you pass me the salt? Thanks. No I don't want any, I just think you've had enough.

10) I hope you're a good kisser, cause I'm not.

Do YOU know the answer?

Can you guess which one of my coworkers is sick today?

(HINT: You don't need a hint.)




Every time he says something I’m like, “SPEAK UP!”

Well, I just said it once—cause if I really said it every time that would be really obnoxious. However he did just walk through the front of the office to go to the bathroom and whipped off his mask. I yelled, “I’M EXPOSED!!”

Tear to My Elephant-Loving Eye

Thanks to my sister for sending me this adorable video about the love between Elephant and Dog. It's so adorable! She told me she cried when she watched it--which really means nothing. She cries when she sees cute babies or rainbows or dry wall. In fact, I'm pretty sure if her farts were cute enough, she'd cry at that too.

But I watched it anyway and wouldn't you know it, I felt my eyes get a little warm. You'll know the part I'm talking about--the part with the gate.



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