Dear Sharon...

In response to Beaman's question...

"My very dear friend, Nigel, has troubles finding the right partner. He dislikes
nightclubs and loud places and indeed crowded places of any sort so he is rarely
in a position to meet new personalities. He is a very short chap and rather
overweight which gives him an inferiority complex I think.
What would you
suggest to boost his chances of finding that someone special? "

Hmmmm...I'd say he should get involved in something that interests him where he'd be able to meet new people. For instance, take a class, join an organization, or whatever he could become involved in. There's no reason to be uncomfortable with someone new if you are both in the same situation, pursuing the same goals. And it should preferably be something he thinks he'll excel in--this way, if he isn't generally confident in his physical appearance, he may show confidence in other areas.

I mean, really, I myself have been extremely attracted to a man, and later wondered if he had walked up to me at a club without my knowing his personality would I have talked to him? Not because he's unattractive, but simply because I'm unfamiliar with the person. The best parts of people are not hung on the outside of them. We should wear shirts that express our personalities, don't you think?

"Great sense of humor."

"Honest."

"Great Listener."

"Liar."

"I'll cheat on you."

That would be great! It would save some time. (This is becoming so long I should post it as a blog...(posts blog)...)

Actually, I don't know if you're familiar with the Sims video game. But I always thought that it would be wonderful if every person had a symbol floating above their heads that shows whether or not they're attracted to you--or at least whether or not you'd be a good match.Imagine sitting at a coffee shop by yourself with a trapezoid symbol floating above your head. In walks a stranger of the opposite sex, and he or she has the same shape floating above his or her head! You could just wave at her, she would notice your symbol, grab her coffee and come sit with you. It would eliminate so many games!

Do I live in a fantasy world, or what?

Picture pages, Picture pages...

Time to get your Picture Pages,
Time to get your crayons and your pencils..."


I just bought a Canon 40D DSLR and I'm giddy! It's my first dslr and I can't wait to use it! When I say I just bought it, I mean I just bought it. My coworker went with me on my lunch break (I'm at work right now), and he was laughing at my excitement as we drove there. It's now waiting everso patiently next to me in its little box as the battery charges. I've wanted one for years, and I finally made the decision to buy it. So get ready for my pictures to be threaded throughout this blog--I mean pictures besides the pictures of my mug scattered on the background. ;)

Most of the photography I do now is product photography through work (I work at an ad agency). And prior to that it's always been a huge interest of mine.

Well, anyways, I'm thrilled. THRILLED!


"You can play with Picture Pages,
FIll your day with Picture Pages,
'Till Bill Cosby does another Picture Page with you!"

Dearest Humans of the Masculine Persuasion,

It is quite clear that when many "men" go out to a club they have one mission on their minds: to get some. I can appreciate your ambition, and I can also appreciate the risk you take when putting yourself and your dignity on the line as you approach various women with your less than romantic intentions. I can openly say that I'm so glad that it's typically you and not me that has to put himself out there like that and risk rejection. That being said, allow me to offer some advice.

Last night I was celebrating a friend's birthday by bar hopping with a group of friends. During one point in the night I was walking through the crowd looking for a friend. When I found her she was walking towards me with a man in tow. With a look and a whisper, she quickly begged for me to come with them. Apparently this poor guy asked her to dance, and instead of declining she agreed, but looked to me to help her get out of it. Being the nice gal that I am, I followed them to the dance floor and began busting whatever moves I felt needed busting. Before even getting a chance to "walk it out," First Guy's friend came from nowhere and began dancing with me. His grip was so tight and he held me so close that I couldn't pull away from him. Not only that but his entire body was pressed up against mine, and I do mean his entire body--got me? ***gags*** Leading a girl as you dance is one thing, but suffocating her is another.

I had to think quickly so I reached my arm around to my cell phone that I had slipped in my back pocket. I pushed a button as it was in my pocket so that when I pulled it out the keypad would be lit. I pulled it up to my face and began reading a text. He had pulled me so close to him that I had to hold the phone behind his head so that I could see it. I had actually already read the text about an hour before. I managed to pull myself away from my dance partner, so that I could show my friend. I said, "Look! "C" just texted me. She wants us to meet her!"

And not skipping a beat, my friend began reading the text I had already shown her an hour before and she pretended it was a new one. We apologized to the guys and thanked them for the dance and got the hell out of there.

My advice here is to not be so aggressive! It didn't matter what that guy looked like or how smooth he thought he was, he ruined it the second he grabbed me, pushed himself on me and wouldn't let me go--which was actually the very first second we met.

When meeting a girl at a club:

1) Be yourself.

2) Be confident.

3) Give her space.

4) Think of it as just having a conversation with a possible new friend. If you put any more pressure on the first conversation, you'll blow it. You'll be too agressive, which will turn her off--or you'll be too nervous.

5) If a girl pulls out her cell phone from her back pocket and claims she received a text that says she must immediately meet her friend somewhere at that very second, you did something wrong.


Thank you!

My Big Idea

It goes like this: when someone likes you, you're indifferent. When someone doesn't like you, you're crazy for them. And that just isn't fair, now is it? You know the cliché where you want what you can't have. I've found myself in situations like that, and when I get over the person I look back and think, "what was the big deal?"
I tell myself this person (or whatever) is awesome, and I refuse to believe anything different until that person makes it quite clear who they really are.

We pursue what's just out of our reach. We're doomed for dissatisfaction because we always want more--or at least what we assume is more. In hindsight, we realize we were just pursuing what we already had.

Every person on this earth should make a pact to seclude him or herself for six months and then at the same moment come back to each other. Maybe then we'd see every person in the same light. If you can't have anyone, maybe you'd appreciate everyone.

PJs

You know what's a really odd word? Pajamas. It's such an everyday word, yet has anyone questioned its usage until I just did? Actually, my family has rejected the word and replaced it with "sleeping clothes." It makes perfect sense: clothes you sleep in. However, it provides great imagery of clothes that are actually sleeping themselves.

In order to provide answers as well as questions, I just did some research for you. Apparently, the word pajamas (also spelled pyjamas) comes from a group of pygmies in Africa that used to make tiny clothes out of leaves and bark to wear while they slept in order to protect them from the cold.

...Not really. It's actually derived from the Persian word Payjama meaning "leg garment."

The other answer made sense, though--you believed me, right?

Fatspace

Some coworkers and I are planning on doing this website called Weight Loss Wars. It's where you compete with your friends, or even strangers to lose weight. The concept is great because you can shit-talk to each other, look at each other's progress that's displayed in line graphs, and leave comments on each other's profile. It's like myspace for fat people. Anyways, since we always obsess about our weight like just about every other woman in this country, we thought we'd give it a try. It seems like it will be great motivation as long as everyone really commits to it.

Another good idea for motivation is to watch TLC's show Obesity Clinic. Man oh man, I was sitting on my ass watching TV, and not five minutes of watching Obesity Clinic later I was doing sit-ups on my living room floor. It's a reality show documenting "super-obese" patients as they attempt to lose enough weight so that doctors will clear them for surgery.

It’s amazing how they let their bodies get to that point. I guess in general many people have problems in their life that they allow to fester and grow until it's no longer just a job where you don't get paid enough, or a relationship that has lasted months too long, or the last hole in your belt that's hanging on until you graduate to the next size up. It finally erupts into a pumpkin-sized tumor growing from your 200 lb. thigh. You now have no other alternative but to face you fears, overcome your battles, and remove the 400 lbs that have been weighing you down.

Yeah, so…I hope I win.

I love puppies!!!

Although I'm a meat-eater, and don't seek out animal rights issues, my friend is a member of PETA and sent me this link: http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=iams&Player=qt

It's footage taken in an Iams animal testing lab so it's pretty gruesome--especially how jaded the workers are about the cruelty. If you have a dog, love dogs, are a dog, or eat Iams pet food on a regular basis, you should watch this video.

Peace.

Girl Phase

My life seems to be divided into phases. I have this boy phase and that boy phase and happy phases and sad phases, lonely phases, and busy phases. Now I'm in my girl phase. Most of my guys friends I've treasured so much have moved away or spend most of their time with their new girlfriends or both. And without realizing it, I seem to have replaced them all (temporarily) with female friends. I have an abundance at the moment. Before I continue, please be aware that I love them and they are a lot of fun. My only issue is the drama they seem to bring. There is open conflict and hidden conflict, jealousy and envy. It's odd.

The biggest theme of my phase has been girlfriends being jealous of my friendships with other girlfriends. To me, that's a waste of good drama. It's very elementary. But for some reason, in my 27th year, this has been an ongoing issue. I would much rather guys being jealous of my relationships with other guys. It's flattering; I like to boost my ego by thinking it means I'm a great friend--but it's also unneccessary. I have since learned to be very careful using the phrase "best friend." It has repeatedly gotten me into trouble. Maybe when you get older you no longer have "best friends," you have close friends. Or maybe you just have friends. Why is there a need to rank your friends? There are many people in my life, men and women, who I know I would do just about anything for. One isn't better than the other. And the older I get, the more I find out that a person's seniority as your friend doesn't necessarily mean that person knows you any better or even as much as someone you just met.

I'm lucky enough to have many people of both sexes in my life that I'm very close to. Every friendship is different. And I'm friends with different people for different reasons. But my biggest issue with my girl phase is that I've learned how much I really miss my boys.

Cashierophobia

I feel uncomfortable when I go to the grocery store and I know the cashier will know something about my life from the groceries I buy. If the contents of my cart are the exact items to purchase before a camping trip, I feel uncomfortable that the cashier knows I'll be camping that night. If I buy lasagna ingredients, wine, and fresh flowers, I feel uncomfortable that the cashier knows that I'm cooking for company that night. Make sense? I don't know why this makes me uncomfortable. In college, I bought a pregnancy test for a friend who kept putting off buying one herself (yes, it was really for a friend!), and in order to confuse the cashier I also bought powder and tampons. The powder was so I wasn't only buying feminine products, and the tampons were to show him I was still feeling optimistic about the results.

It's also apparent in other situations with strangers. For instance, as I was walking to the coffee shop I'm typing in right now, for a moment I worried that if I came to this coffee shop too much they may begin to recognize me and possibly know my order. So I decided I may have to find another one soon. Then it occurred to me: why am I so scared of becoming a regular?

You'd think I was a very timid person. In actuality, I'm very social and quite the opposite of shy. So why in the world do I hesitate before allowing a grocery store cashier know that I buy a lot of Lean Cuisines and yogurt? Is it because I know that if I was in his or her position, I would be paying attention to everything in a person's cart? I would try to access what kind of person they are, if they are single, if they cook, if they're attempting to impress a date that night. Actually, I do that anyway. That's right. When you are in front of me in line, I see your cat food, your Cheese Whiz, your 12 pack. I notice the Bagel Bites, the wine and flowers, or the frozen pizzas. I'll make a (dare I say) judgement about who you are by what you buy or your subtle body language. I'm in love with human behavior. Maybe my problem is that I'm afraid that others are too.

Yesterday I realized...

...that I don't know how far I can throw a tomato. I have to find out.