Fatspace

Some coworkers and I are planning on doing this website called Weight Loss Wars. It's where you compete with your friends, or even strangers to lose weight. The concept is great because you can shit-talk to each other, look at each other's progress that's displayed in line graphs, and leave comments on each other's profile. It's like myspace for fat people. Anyways, since we always obsess about our weight like just about every other woman in this country, we thought we'd give it a try. It seems like it will be great motivation as long as everyone really commits to it.

Another good idea for motivation is to watch TLC's show Obesity Clinic. Man oh man, I was sitting on my ass watching TV, and not five minutes of watching Obesity Clinic later I was doing sit-ups on my living room floor. It's a reality show documenting "super-obese" patients as they attempt to lose enough weight so that doctors will clear them for surgery.

It’s amazing how they let their bodies get to that point. I guess in general many people have problems in their life that they allow to fester and grow until it's no longer just a job where you don't get paid enough, or a relationship that has lasted months too long, or the last hole in your belt that's hanging on until you graduate to the next size up. It finally erupts into a pumpkin-sized tumor growing from your 200 lb. thigh. You now have no other alternative but to face you fears, overcome your battles, and remove the 400 lbs that have been weighing you down.

Yeah, so…I hope I win.

I love puppies!!!

Although I'm a meat-eater, and don't seek out animal rights issues, my friend is a member of PETA and sent me this link: http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=iams&Player=qt

It's footage taken in an Iams animal testing lab so it's pretty gruesome--especially how jaded the workers are about the cruelty. If you have a dog, love dogs, are a dog, or eat Iams pet food on a regular basis, you should watch this video.

Peace.

Girl Phase

My life seems to be divided into phases. I have this boy phase and that boy phase and happy phases and sad phases, lonely phases, and busy phases. Now I'm in my girl phase. Most of my guys friends I've treasured so much have moved away or spend most of their time with their new girlfriends or both. And without realizing it, I seem to have replaced them all (temporarily) with female friends. I have an abundance at the moment. Before I continue, please be aware that I love them and they are a lot of fun. My only issue is the drama they seem to bring. There is open conflict and hidden conflict, jealousy and envy. It's odd.

The biggest theme of my phase has been girlfriends being jealous of my friendships with other girlfriends. To me, that's a waste of good drama. It's very elementary. But for some reason, in my 27th year, this has been an ongoing issue. I would much rather guys being jealous of my relationships with other guys. It's flattering; I like to boost my ego by thinking it means I'm a great friend--but it's also unneccessary. I have since learned to be very careful using the phrase "best friend." It has repeatedly gotten me into trouble. Maybe when you get older you no longer have "best friends," you have close friends. Or maybe you just have friends. Why is there a need to rank your friends? There are many people in my life, men and women, who I know I would do just about anything for. One isn't better than the other. And the older I get, the more I find out that a person's seniority as your friend doesn't necessarily mean that person knows you any better or even as much as someone you just met.

I'm lucky enough to have many people of both sexes in my life that I'm very close to. Every friendship is different. And I'm friends with different people for different reasons. But my biggest issue with my girl phase is that I've learned how much I really miss my boys.

Cashierophobia

I feel uncomfortable when I go to the grocery store and I know the cashier will know something about my life from the groceries I buy. If the contents of my cart are the exact items to purchase before a camping trip, I feel uncomfortable that the cashier knows I'll be camping that night. If I buy lasagna ingredients, wine, and fresh flowers, I feel uncomfortable that the cashier knows that I'm cooking for company that night. Make sense? I don't know why this makes me uncomfortable. In college, I bought a pregnancy test for a friend who kept putting off buying one herself (yes, it was really for a friend!), and in order to confuse the cashier I also bought powder and tampons. The powder was so I wasn't only buying feminine products, and the tampons were to show him I was still feeling optimistic about the results.

It's also apparent in other situations with strangers. For instance, as I was walking to the coffee shop I'm typing in right now, for a moment I worried that if I came to this coffee shop too much they may begin to recognize me and possibly know my order. So I decided I may have to find another one soon. Then it occurred to me: why am I so scared of becoming a regular?

You'd think I was a very timid person. In actuality, I'm very social and quite the opposite of shy. So why in the world do I hesitate before allowing a grocery store cashier know that I buy a lot of Lean Cuisines and yogurt? Is it because I know that if I was in his or her position, I would be paying attention to everything in a person's cart? I would try to access what kind of person they are, if they are single, if they cook, if they're attempting to impress a date that night. Actually, I do that anyway. That's right. When you are in front of me in line, I see your cat food, your Cheese Whiz, your 12 pack. I notice the Bagel Bites, the wine and flowers, or the frozen pizzas. I'll make a (dare I say) judgement about who you are by what you buy or your subtle body language. I'm in love with human behavior. Maybe my problem is that I'm afraid that others are too.

Yesterday I realized...

...that I don't know how far I can throw a tomato. I have to find out.