Best Date Advice Ever

A friend of mine is taking a girl out on a first date, and I offered him ten suggestions that he could throw out whenever he felt an awkward moment approaching.

I'm probably the bestest friend ever.

1) Wow, if I knew you were going to wear that, I wouldn't have dressed up!

2) On a scale of 1 to 10 how attracted are you to me at this moment? (Good time to grab her inappropriately).

3) Didn't you think our waitress was hot?

4) Please don't be offended if I jump up and take a phone call. My ex should be calling me any minute.

5) Are you going to eat that? Well, you probably shouldn't. (Then eye her midsection)

6) Did you bring your wallet? Cause I didn't.

7) My last girlfriend didn't really break up with me per se. It's really the restraining order that keeps us apart.

8) Should we order dessert? (Then eye her midsection again)

9) Will you pass me the salt? Thanks. No I don't want any, I just think you've had enough.

10) I hope you're a good kisser, cause I'm not.

Girls' Weekend!

Although it's only Thursday, Girl's Weekend Part II 2008 starts tonight! Our girls weekends are when a group of us, single and married, get together and laugh so hard at least two of us pee in our pants. It's where the married girls flirt with the single guys, and when the guy thinks he has a chance she says, "Uuuh whatever! I'm married." It's where the married girls come out expecting a show. It's where the single girls try their hardest to produce that show. Because if their married friends can't make out with strangers, dagnabbit, single girls are going to do it for them! It's where broken-hearted girls are taken out on the town by their girlfriends, and reminded of how fun they truly are and how happy they can truly be.

Our first night will be at Alamo Ritz's 90s Hip Hop sing-a-long. I plan on wearing a jogging suit with my hair styled into a hi-top fade. Oh how the boys will follow.

Girl Phase

My life seems to be divided into phases. I have this boy phase and that boy phase and happy phases and sad phases, lonely phases, and busy phases. Now I'm in my girl phase. Most of my guys friends I've treasured so much have moved away or spend most of their time with their new girlfriends or both. And without realizing it, I seem to have replaced them all (temporarily) with female friends. I have an abundance at the moment. Before I continue, please be aware that I love them and they are a lot of fun. My only issue is the drama they seem to bring. There is open conflict and hidden conflict, jealousy and envy. It's odd.

The biggest theme of my phase has been girlfriends being jealous of my friendships with other girlfriends. To me, that's a waste of good drama. It's very elementary. But for some reason, in my 27th year, this has been an ongoing issue. I would much rather guys being jealous of my relationships with other guys. It's flattering; I like to boost my ego by thinking it means I'm a great friend--but it's also unneccessary. I have since learned to be very careful using the phrase "best friend." It has repeatedly gotten me into trouble. Maybe when you get older you no longer have "best friends," you have close friends. Or maybe you just have friends. Why is there a need to rank your friends? There are many people in my life, men and women, who I know I would do just about anything for. One isn't better than the other. And the older I get, the more I find out that a person's seniority as your friend doesn't necessarily mean that person knows you any better or even as much as someone you just met.

I'm lucky enough to have many people of both sexes in my life that I'm very close to. Every friendship is different. And I'm friends with different people for different reasons. But my biggest issue with my girl phase is that I've learned how much I really miss my boys.