My Spoon's Too Big

Stephen Hawking? da Vinci? Einstein? No. To me, true genius is the film below by Don Hertzfeldt. No need to take notes.

Caption me!

"Tired of trying to cross the highway with the rest of his Frogger pals, Hampton is taking matters into his own hands."

Grape Jelly

How much does my dad love grape jelly on his toast?? ...This much!

These bags of water are supposed to repel flies, but I guess this really is the best place to be if you're a fly and you need some alone time.

What's that smell?

On News Of the Weird today, they mentioned a woman that probably died in the early 70s, yet her mummified body was JUST found THIS YEAR.

It's one thing to die alone--very sad. But to rot alone for 30 years? The poor woman didn't even have a funeral!

This year I will combine my birthday to be a celebration of my birth, and it will also be her belated funeral. It will be a FUN-eral. Don't be late.

Achoo!

This is why I don't eat panda meat.

A Banana in My Box

As if there isn't enough temptation in my life already with all the alcohol and the food and then there's the alcohol I was talking about, some good-intentioned stranger drops off a box of sugar and thunder thighs for the taking at work. I tried to not even look at the pastries once I heard about the little fat-demons waiting for me in the break room. However, every five minutes someone new comes to my desk and says, "Did you see the pastries in the break room? Yum! So many different choices! SO MANY CHOICES!!!"

At first I was like, "REALLY?" equally ready to wheelbarrow all that I could to my desk. But then I thought about the little banana at my desk. What a condescending little jerk. It's saying, "Shouldn't you stay away from those guys, Sharon? I'm so much better for you. But if you want to be a fat ass, then be a fat ass. It's up to you.
***whistles and shuffles its feet***"

I figured instead of stuffing my face, I may as well be healthy and have the chance to bite the head off of my banana with its rude, imaginary dialogue.

So I did it. I ate the banana and not one piece of pastry.

Banana - 1 Pastry - 0

To make myself feel as if I was cheating, I set my banana in the pastry box before eating it as if I had just grabbed a pastry instead. This kind of eating psychology may seem ridiculous and unnecessary, but you don't live in the same world as I do. My world is full of talking bananas, tap-dancing corn dogs and singing M&Ms.

Truly Outrageous

I was alone sitting in the dark thinking fondly about myself today as I often do, and I wondered what song really describes me, my personality--what I'm all about. Then the perfect song came to mind, and I'd like to share it with you all now.

TAKE IT JEM!

Why Mr. Rogers Actually Was an Awesome Neighbor

Mr. Rogers wasn't just blowing smoke when he was putting on his sweater, talking to puppet people and educating children. He was sincerely passionate about child development throughout his life. In 1969 Mr. Rogers appeared before the United States Senate Subcommittee on Communications hoping to receive 20 million dollars in funding for Public Broadcasting in response to significant proposed cuts. In the video of his speech below, Rogers is addressing John O. Pastore who wasn't familiar with who Mr. Rogers was and was known as an impatient and harsh man. I can watch this speech over and over again, because it gives me goosebumps.

Color Me Impressed

Is that Rachael Ray in the hot pink button-up?