This Is How I Make the Days Fly By

Email from one coworker sent out to all employees at my office:

Subject: Monday

Body: I have an appointment at 8am with a new doctor, an MD/orthopedic doc to be exact, on monday. I don't know for sure how long it will last and neither did they, just depends on if they want me to do some kind of tests. Hopefully I'll be in by 9 or 9:30.

Email from second worker to entire office immediately after.

Subject: Tuesday

Body: Oh that reminds me I have a dermatologist appointment at 9:15 am on Tues. I will come in early and leave from here.

Email from me to entire office immediately after:

Subject: Wednesday

Body: Oh yeah, that reminds me, too. I have a massage appointment Wednesday morning. But I won’t have to be late because they said they can do the full body massage right here at my desk. They may have a tough time squeezing the massage table behind my desk, but I figure this way I can still answer phones and such.

Oh yeah, and Matt, NO PEEKING!

Drum roll please: THE BEST WEBSITE EVER!!!

My life as I know it has changed from this moment forward. I have discovered (thanks Carrie!) the BEST--WEBSITE--EVER! Allow me to introduce you to what will soon become nails on a chalkboard to all my friends and coworkers.

I'll set it up with a joke:

"Did you hear the one about the suicidal dyslexic who threw himself behind an onrushing train?"

http://www.instantrimshot.com/

"hyuck, hyuck---try the veal"

Did you click it? Did you push the red button? Did you? Did you???

At first I thought about all the places I can leave this link after making a cheesy joke (a.k.a. all of my jokes)--facebook, myspace, any comments, you know the usual. Then I realized that I was truly limiting all that instantrimshot.com has to offer! That is why, I have muted the music I was softly playing at my desk at work. Instead, I have now raised the volume on my computer to its loudest setting. I have instantrimshot.com minimized, and the moment that I (or someone else) makes a rimshot worthy joke, I'm pressing that red button. Oh, the laughter/eye-rolling that is so surely to come! I can't wait! I'll let you know as soon as it happens.

I HAVE BENDER BALLS!!!

"I love my abdominals. I love my belly. I love my abdominals."

Have you heard of the Bender Ball? They ordered a bunch of kick balls in blue and are selling them as a piece of exercise equipment. Although you could just as easily put a rolled up towel--or a kick ball behind your back, the woman pictured above raves about this high-tech piece of workout equipment, and it's amazing effect on her abdominals. Not her abs, not her stomach--her abdominals. I honestly have never seen the end of this commercial because I can't stand the way she says "abdominals?" and I MUST CHANGE THE CHANNEL IMMEDIATELY! The question mark after "abdominals?" was intentional, because she says "abdominals?" like it's a question. I don't know if this is more my issue or hers. Maybe you can tell me after watching the commercial below. ;)

Raily Rhoto

I believe where my face once was, all Rope could see was a giant Scooby Snack.

April 2: The Birthday of Champions

Today one of my very best friends Mike turns 28. He's one of the most clever and hilarious people I know. We met in college when living in the same dorm and I remember the day I realized how randomly hilarious he is. When walking through the hall in the dorm I noticed some Garfield comic strips he had posted on the bulletin board. I had to read it over like three times, because Garfield isn't rocket science and I just wasn't getting the joke. Three hours standing in front of the bulletin boards later, I realized that Mike had cut and pasted several comic strips together that were completely unrelated to each other. It went something like this:

Garfield: Where's Odie?

John: Did you eat my lasagna??

Odie: I wish I could talk like Garfield.

Okay so I have no idea what it said, that was like ten years ago, people. Anyways, the point is that I appreciated the random humor and from that point on I thought, 'This kid's alright....this kid's alright." Or maybe I just thought, "ha, that's funny." Either way it was positive and we became the bestest of buds. He cracks me up, never judges me, always helps me through bad times even if he's just there and doesn't even realize I'm having a bad time, and ten years later he's still like a brother to me. So Mike, if you're watching me from up there (horrible joke, he's alive in San Antonio) just know that I love you and I wish you the happiest of cumpleaños.

Love,
Chara

Daily Phizzle

The happiest moment in the life of Jon, the happiest man on Earth.

Dalyfotosaurus

Yes, yes I know--I can't call it a Daily Photo if I don't post it daily. Can it be that I've actually been too busy? Amazing. One of our clients has taken over our office, SXSW has taken over my town, and you all, Dear Readers, have taken over my heart. "Awwwwwwwwww."

This is for you:

In Yo' FACE!

My friend and I were cracking up at how she noticed Kobe Bryant accidentally throwing a towel on this woman's face yesterday. And, of course, it has been posted on YouTube. I love you, World Wide Web.

Day-lee Fo-toe

This is Ernie. He's our newest tenant at my parents' house. If I could reach him, I would hug him and squeeze him and kiss him before he pecked my eyes out. I think this is why one of my friends referred to me as Elmira from Tiny Toons. Can I help it if I have too much love to give? Can I?

Weird News Is So Weird!

I found this newsclip on News of the Weird.

"In January, Taser International introduced the Taser MPH, a combination dart-firing weapon and MP3 music player (that holds 150 songs). [Los Angeles Times, 1-7-08]"

It really beats my combination machete/ back-scratcher....which is really just an old machete. My back may be all sliced up, but it certainly doesn't itch.