My Bum: Exposed

The other day I thought I'd be extra cute and wear a dress to work--instead of the sexy jeans-and-what-I-find-on-my-floor-first couture I normally wear. It's a black button up dress similar to this, but the skirt bells out:



That day was actually quite windy. When I got out of my car that morning, a huge gust of wind reminded me why I should probably start checking the weather. As I took my first step towards the entrance to my building, my skirt blew up and exposed my goods. I quickly jumped back into my car and was thankful that no one saw! Well--almost no one saw. There was one guy that was walking to his car and surely saw the show.

As embarrassed as I was, I knew that it would get much worse if I didn't wait for this guy to leave before attempting it again. So I waited for him to leave, but this jerk didn't budge. I couldn't see him from where I was parked, but I knew that once I attempted to walk to work, I would be the black cat in his path--the black cat whose ass is exposed. After waiting long enough and realizing this guy wasn't leaving, I cursed him and pictured him holding binoculars and popcorn waiting for me to make the walk again.

I made a second attempt to get out of my car. This time the wind was stronger than ever. I looked up at the man's car and saw that he was everso innocently reading a book in his car. What a ruse. As if I don't realize what he's really up to. Again, the wind blew my skirt up, as I looked down at my car door to take cover I noticed that the top two buttons of my dress were wide open, exposing all of my cleavage. I mean, it's a wonder why I even put that dress on at all. I climbed back into my car, buttoned up, and for the first time wished I had a Snuggie available to cover myself as I walk sideways towards the door.

I knew that there was no way I could have made the walk to the elevator without flashing him (again) unless I was bent over with both arms wrapped around my thighs and took small scissor steps the fifty feet or so to the doors. Another option would have been to logroll the distance to the doors, but nixed the idea thinking that he may see me laying down and think I'm flirting.

Finally, I decided that I had no choice to continue. I can't let this fake-reading peeping-tom keep me from my job! I got out of the car, made another boob check, and then hunched over with my skirt gathered to the side and did a quick tiny-step walk that was reminiscent of Velma's dance break moves in Scooby Doo Kids.

When I entered the building I felt victorious. I made it to work, fully dressed and fully covered.

EPILOGUE:

That is, until later in the day when I plopped into my chair to answer a phone call. Towards the end of the call, I felt a draft. I looked behind me and saw no fan, but what I did see was the back of my skirt tucked all the way up to my mid back. My lower back, thighs, underwear and butt were all exposed for all to see.

MORAL:

You can't always blame it on the wind.