Weird News Is So Weird!

I found this newsclip on News of the Weird.

"In January, Taser International introduced the Taser MPH, a combination dart-firing weapon and MP3 music player (that holds 150 songs). [Los Angeles Times, 1-7-08]"

It really beats my combination machete/ back-scratcher....which is really just an old machete. My back may be all sliced up, but it certainly doesn't itch.

Redundancy Makes Me Stupid

At work I wear many hats. And, frankly, I look great in all of them. I'm Account Coordinator; I'm copywriter; I'm editor; I'm photographer; I'm Google Adwords Specialist; and I also yell out "FATTY!" every time someone reaches for the M&M's that sit on my desk. (I don't get paid for the last one, but I refuse to slack on any of my duties--no matter if I made those duties up.)

I used to have my own office with a big window. The window was actually in my boss' office. I could see it from where I sat, and I just pretended that it was mine but just in the other room. I make sure she never looks in it by clapping loudly, stomping my feet, or banging my desk whenever I see her gaze go that way.

Our office has grown and I no longer have my fancy office with the big window in my boss' office. After hiring new people and more new people that love offices as much as me--I'm now sitting in the front lobby of the office. If this was a completely different office, it would be the exact place where the receptionist sat. But it's not a completely different office, it's our office. So it's where I sit. I actually like my new desk. I have a beautiful window--in the office across the hall, and a desk much larger than everyone else's. And I'm the first person people see when you walk in. I find that this gives our visitors an excellent or a very poor first impression of our company. It really depends on what time I woke up that morning. Today it was a GREAT first impression. Well...almost.

You see, another one of my duties as I sit in this large reception desk is to answer the phone. (Yes I sound increasingly more like solely a receptionist.) I say the exact same thing every time I answer the phone. It goes like this:

RING RING!!
***answers phone and checks time to determine greeting***

ME: Good morning/afternoon, *NAME OF OUR COMPANY*, This is Sharon.

CALLER: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

ME: Okay, may I tell her who is
calling?

CALLER: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

ME: One moment

***transfers call***

.
Well, you see, I do this twenty times a day. I say it without thinking. In fact, I even had to say the above dialog outloud to even know what it is that comes out of my mouth when I answer the phone. Luckily it sounds appropriate. This would have taken a very different turn if I realized I say, "Wazzup, Monkey Beans! Do you love potatoes??"

You can understand that after saying it so often that it has become an automatic response. This is why I'm sure you can also understand this:

A gentleman just walked into the office. He said, "Hi, GORGEOUS!" (I added the "GORGEOUS," but roll with it.) "I have a meeting with Sandy."

Being the excellent pseudo receptionist that I am, I wanted to give Sandy a name when I announced him. So I flashed a big smile, tilted my head to the side to seem sincere, looked him in the eye and asked the man, "Okay, great. May I tell her who's calling?"

Redundancy makes me stupid.

Charlie Bit Me! ehehe

You may have seen this video before, but I can't help it; it's so cute! There are two versions: the original and then the "remix."

Happy VD, Everyone!

A conversation with a coworker with a deathwish:

CW: Do you have plans for Valentine's Day?
Sharon: Yes I do.
CW: What are they?
Sharon: I'm going out to dinner with a group of single girls, and then we're going out.
CW: Oh okay, cause I was wondering if you will come to my apartment and spread rose petals on the bed for when my fiancee and I get back from dinner.
Sharon: ...
Sharon: ...
Sharon: ...
Sharon: I told you I have plans.
CW: Yeah, but since you're not in a relationship I thought that you could--
Sharon: --I get that I'm single, but my singlehood doesn't care about your little relationship. I have plans and you, my friend, have a lot of nerve.

END SCENE

Speaking of my plans--Austin, look out tonight. Myself and about 12 single ladies are hitting the town tonight and we're looking for you!

Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone! Whether you're in a relationship or single! ;)

Making Whine

This is on Live TV. Besides her horrible reaction, especially "Ugghhhh Ugggghhh I can't breathe!"--my favorite part is the news anchors' awkward reactions afterwards. How are they not cracking up?? They must have laughed for days afterwards.


The only thing that would make it better is if I was there to laugh at her in person.